A Mistake from My Younger Days | Shohei Onishi (Dean, Graduate School of Health Management)
2007.02.27
Reflecting on this title, I am reminded once again that my life has been a series of mistakes and reflections. In fact, there are too many to count, making it impossible to single out any one as a major failure. From among them, however, I have dared to choose one: the arrogance of a physician.
This happened around the time I began my career as a physician. Although I was a novice and should have known nothing, for some reason I was filled with a confident and arrogant attitude. Despite the extremely sensitive nature of the doctor-patient relationship, I showed very little understanding for the vulnerable. The immense trust that patients placed in this young doctor also fueled my attitude, and I was on cloud nine. It is quite true what they say about doctors being out of touch with the world. From a young age, I was called "sensei" (teacher/doctor), to the point where I felt uncomfortable being called "Onishi-san" with the "-san" suffix. Looking back now, I am utterly ashamed. When I think about how much suffering my attitude must have caused for so many patients and their families, I truly feel like I want to crawl into a hole and hide.
It was another doctor who threw cold water on this attitude of mine. I was 33 years old, working hard in emergency medicine as a cardiologist. Suddenly, I was struck by a high fever, which continued at nearly 40 degrees Celsius for a week, accompanied by extreme fatigue. When my fever finally broke, I went to the hospital for a cardiac catheterization, but a blood test done out of concern revealed I had acute hepatitis, and I was hospitalized on the spot. I had gone from being a doctor to being a patient. The young doctor in charge of my care at that time was just like I had been in my youth. Looking down on me as I lay in bed, he said, "You have acute hepatitis. This type has a high probability of becoming chronic..." I was stunned. The doctor's every word pierced my heart, and I was overcome with extreme anxiety. At the same time, it hit me for the first time: "Ah, that's right. I used to do the same thing when I was a young doctor."
I was discharged from the hospital after a few months, and since then, I have been reflecting on my actions and striving to change myself. My basic principle is to speak with patients at their eye level. However, I am still far from perfect, and my days of reflection continue even now.
(Date posted: 2007/02/27)