First Love | Shohei Onishi (Dean, Graduate School of Health Management)
2008.05.29
In the Okashira Diary, there are themes where we write about our own past, and each theme often makes me think. The current theme of "first love" is one of those memories that remains strong even as the past fades. I'm sure it's the same for our readers, as it is for me. Feelings for the opposite sex are truly a mysterious thing. When I was in the third grade of elementary school, I developed a crush on Michiko Hanna (I debated whether it was okay to use her full name), who had transferred from a town in Shimane Prefecture. She was very quiet—it's strange to describe an elementary school student as "graceful," but she had an air unlike anyone else around me. However, there was a rival, a classmate named Nakamura-kun, which was a source of disappointment. It's a bittersweet, painful memory. Her pure and innocent image is still burned into my memory, unforgettable even now. After a while, she transferred again. It was to Tokyo.
Looking at me now, the graduate students who interact with me at the graduate school probably can't imagine it, but I used to be extremely shy around strangers. I hated riding trains and buses, and I disliked making eye contact with people around me, so I always kept my eyes downcast. It was painful for me to be among a large, unfamiliar crowd. Despite being highly self-conscious, I had an extremely withdrawn personality. That changed after I enrolled at Keio University; my withdrawn personality disappeared. For better or for worse. And now, in my work, I have many opportunities to communicate various things to many people, and a key point for me has become how to direct my energy toward them. However, because I give my energy away and it gets absorbed by others, I strongly feel that the time it takes to replenish it has been getting longer as I get older.
(Published: 2008/05/29)