Sally Kaede: Becoming a Woman While Remaining a Son

2021/12/18

"Becoming a Woman While Remaining a Son" is the title of my documentary film released in theaters this year. While I was a student at Keio University, a producer named Steven asked me, "Why don't we film a documentary about you?" "I'm not really a fan of LGBT films..." I muttered to myself. To me, being an LGBT individual is just one of many identities. LGBT people who have overcome hardships, LGBT people who must be understood... the stereotypical claims surrounding LGBT go beyond being "not my thing" and feel empty. It is also empty to have only my "LGBT-ness" singled out. Even so, I replied, "Of course!" The words "your documentary" sounded appealing, and I didn't have the courage to turn down an offer that would never come again. In any case, I agreed to the filming while harboring these contradictions.

For about a year and a half after filming began, I continued to live my daily life in front of the camera. I thought it would be a film like a home video showing the ordinary daily life of a female college student. However, the finished film defied my expectations. What I, as a transgender person, fought against and what I gave up to obtain the "daily life" that looks ordinary—a version of myself I didn't know exists on the other side of the screen. My parents still call me by my male name. A transgender world pageant rebranded itself as a "Newhalf World Pageant" to attract an audience. When my long-held dream came true, someone posted online, "An okama architect is born." Ugly memories I thought I had forgotten cannot be wiped away, like deep-seated stains. Society's understanding of LGBT remains stuck at stereotypes, but I have nonetheless protected my "daily life." If society cannot change me, then I have no choice but to change society through this film.

<Transgender, Man, Woman> <Transgender, Newhalf, Okama> <Transgender, LGBT, Diversity>. Society perceives us through stereotypes and classifies us into known categories. There is understanding gained through categories, but there is also pain caused by them. That is why I am not a fan of LGBT films. By the way, was my film an "LGBT film"?