Shoko Okitsu: The Meaning of Knowing Yourself and Your Family

Why do people suffer? While the initial complaints that lead people to counseling vary, there is always a cause in the background. Although there are approaches such as "solutions over causes" or "the present and future over the past," at least regarding an individual's inner self, I believe one can only truly look toward the future after coming to terms with the past and the causes that led to who they are today.

I studied personnel and organizational theory at SFC and established a limited liability company to support housewives returning to the workforce in the autumn of my second year of my master's program. While involved in the management of re-employment training, I became interested in individual psychological issues that precede career considerations—specifically the underlying family relationships. I returned to school as a vocational student to obtain national certification. After working at psychiatric hospitals and welfare offices, I opened my counseling room in 2017.

When unraveling the difficulties clients face in life, many cases lead back to the issue of child abuse. Since everyone only knows the home they grew up in, most people have no awareness that they have been enduring hardship, and instead blame themselves for not being able to function properly.

In the past, during re-employment training, there were individuals who were serious and highly capable, yet for some reason lacked the desire to improve their own lives. My attempts to motivate them by saying, "Let's get the future you want!" were in vain. In the world of psychology, the sense of it being okay to strive for one's own happiness or to ask others for help is called "attachment." It was shocking when everything connected for me: learning that experiencing abuse in early childhood (including emotional neglect, such as not having one's feelings understood) leads to attachment disorders, and that parents who cannot read their child's feelings may have issues such as developmental disabilities.

The presence or absence of attachment greatly influences a person's entire life. If there is a psychological foundation that allows one to value oneself, one can achieve a rich life even through hardships. It is impossible to understand the hearts of those who have lived without security, in constant tension, and conforming to their surroundings without self-assertion, using only the common sense that assumes attachment exists; even now, I find myself standing still before this invisible wall. However, it is a great joy as a counselor to share the process through which a client, while shocked by the truths of their past through telling their story, comes to accept themselves and begins to enjoy daily life.