Crisis as the Perfect Opportunity for Change : Sharing Life's Lessons via Media

- Nikuyo, you have experience in finance, securities, and insurance. You've also made a name for yourself as a YouTuber and columnist. Were you just as versatile and precocious as a child?

Not at all! Those who only know me now might find it surprising, but up until my teens, I was incredibly timid and had terrible social anxiety. Being the youngest with two older sisters, I found it hard to relate to my classmates, perhaps because I was always surrounded by people older than me. I had few friends and spent most of my time watching TV at home. I wasn't good at sports either, but for some reason, I liked professional baseball. That was one of the few things that connected me with boys my age. I enjoyed following the data and trends like batting averages, runs batted in, home runs, pitchers' wins, earned run averages—even the number of spectators in the stadium. Even in elementary school, I loved reading the newspaper, not just the sports section for baseball results but also the stock pages. The idea that the values of companies I recognized from TV commercials were being evaluated daily through their stock prices thrilled me as a child. In fact, this innate love of numbers may have had something to do with my later career in finance and securities.

After failing my junior high school entrance exams, I eventually ended up at a local academic high school. I had actually taken exams for Keio Senior High School and Shiki High School but was rejected by both, which was a real shock. So much so that I hardly spoke to anyone for a while after starting high school [laughs]. It may be hard to believe now, but I was quite a sullen teenager.

- You're known for your love of reading. Were you an avid reader in your junior high and high school?

Yes. In junior high, I loved the writer Taichi Sakaiya, and in high school, I was a fan of Nobuhiko Ochiai. I learned about the crucial role of using human intellect in creating high-added value from the works of Sakaiya, a bureaucrat who rose to serve as the head of the Economic Planning Agency (now part of the Cabinet Office). I admired the characters in Ochiai's works, who used information and intelligence to navigate US politics and the oil business in a global context. I dreamed of studying abroad at an American university and entering the international business world, but with my social anxiety, that seemed utterly impossible. So, I searched for the Japanese university that came closest to offering a liberal arts education in the US. That's when I found Shonan Fujisawa Campus (SFC). Economist Hiroshi Kato, who played a key role in establishing SFC and became the first dean of the Faculty of Policy Management, was someone I admired deeply. All I wanted was to learn from Prof. Kato, and with that single-minded purpose in mind, I set my sights on SFC and studied hard for the entrance exams. Only this time, I passed.

- You initially enrolled in the Faculty of Environmental Information before transferring to the Faculty of Policy Management, is that right?

Yes, that's right. After enrolling, I realized I wanted to focus on the social sciences, so I transferred to the Faculty of Policy Management. But even before that, around the time I started at SFC, my social anxiety got worse, and I found it difficult to interact with other students. I felt intimidated by my peers. They all seemed rich, like they were living some glamorous lifestyle. There was an overnight orientation for students soon after I enrolled. It was there that I was once again made acutely aware of how different I was, including my sexuality, and that dragged me down.

That summer, my father was diagnosed with cancer. At the time, I was living alone in Shonandai, but I returned home to Chiba City and stopped going to school. I ended up taking a year off to care for my father until he passed away the following autumn. I never managed to reveal my sexuality to my father, a regret that perhaps lingered. It prompted me to protect my homosexual identity from homophobia and be true to who I am by arming myself with theory. I immersed myself in the works of authors whose works were sympathetic to homosexuality, such as Osamu Hashimoto and the writings of gay writers who frequented Shinjuku Ni-chome. Hashimoto's books, in particular, gave me plenty of insights that boosted my self-esteem. "Everybody dies someday. Live today in ways you won't regret tomorrow," he writes. It was passages like this that encouraged me to forge my own path.

- And then you returned to university?

Yes. First, I bought a computer with the money I saved from a part-time job as a cram school teacher I started while on my leave of absence. It wasn't just for my studies; I also found a community of gay friends through online forums and eventually made my way to Shinjuku Ni-chome in person. That's how I was initially able to make many of my gay friends. Before long, I became the leader of a gay student group and started organizing club events that brought gay student groups from other universities together. Though I returned to school, my grades at SFC were terrible because I was too busy being a drag queen. But I remember that my lectures were interesting. I still remember a lecture on organizational theory by Koichi Hori, then president of Boston Consulting Group Japan. His way of speaking was captivating, and the organizational knowledge I learned there helped me a lot when thinking about the gay community as an organization.

- After graduation, you joined a securities firm.

Yes, but just before starting my job, I experienced sudden liver failure and had to be hospitalized in late March. I spent the entire month of April in a hospital bed as my peers underwent job training and started their careers. During my hospital stay, I studied for the securities broker examination using textbooks sent by my company. I finally began work in May, but my recent illness had left me without enough physical stamina to keep up. I ended up resigning in June, marking the beginning of a turbulent phase in my life.

First, I worked at a call center for a brokerage firm, then as a temporary employee at a bank, all while continuing to perform as a drag queen at night. The bank had a comprehensive training program, so I learned about investment trusts and obtained a qualification in insurance sales while working there. But as I approached 30, I started to ponder my future. Seeing my SFC peers make strides in their professional careers made me start to feel a sense of urgency. Desperate to work full-time, I got a job at a foreign insurance company, which paid bonuses—the biggest perk of being a full-time employee. I worked hard and was promoted to manager.

- So you could have continued climbing the corporate ladder?

Well, in my late 30s, I overworked myself and became ill again. I liked the work, but I began questioning why I was working so hard. I found myself neglecting my passion for cross-dressing, which I had enjoyed so much. Then, one day, I saw Matsuko Deluxe, a friend and fellow drag queen, and Mitz Mangrove, my classmate at Keio, openly out on TV. It was an eye-opening moment for me. This was just after the Great East Japan Earthquake, and I was laid off by my employer, who was downsizing their operations in Japan. I thought to myself, "This personal crisis is the perfect opportunity for change!" That mindset guided me as I aimed to shine on stage as a drag queen once more.

For a while, I went back to work for the insurance company where I'd been laid off, but after saving a good nest egg—around enough to live on for five years—I became a freelance cross-dresser at the age of 42. While working in customer service at a bar in Shinjuku Ni-chome, I started writing an advice column about love based on my experiences, which eventually led me to start a YouTube channel. I was invited to appear on TV, too, but my nerves got the best of me and I struggled to speak well. But the process of making YouTube videos has taught me public speaking bit by bit, and I believe I've reached a point where I can maintain my composure on TV.

- You've never stopped learning, acquiring qualifications while working and, more recently, studying English.

I see myself as inherently flawed. If you don't learn anything, you can't do anything. I have to constantly learn and absorb information to maintain my output as a writer and YouTuber. As I mentioned earlier, a crisis is an excellent opportunity for change, but I wouldn't be able to seize such opportunities if I weren't committed to learning on a regular basis.

- You've shared some of your favorite books, such as The Story of the Roman People series by Nanami Shiono, on your social media and YouTube.

I adore Nanami Shiono! I don't think there's anyone else who looks as cool in their pictures. Her biography mentions that she "studied and played in Italy until she was thirty," which I found utterly fascinating. When I saw that, I thought, "So that's it! People should play and learn until they're thirty!" [laughs]. Her writing is muscular and forceful—qualities often associated with a male author—but there are also glimpses of a woman's unique insights and aesthetic judgments towards men, which I deeply admire. My other favorite authors include Makiko Uchidate, Kuniko Mukoda, and Sawako Ariyoshi. I feel a particularly strong connection with Uchidate, who made her late-blooming debut as a writer and screenwriter after working as a full-time employee of Mitsubishi Heavy Industries.

- It seems these authors have helped you fine-tune the language that you use.

I want to share what I've learned about the meaning of life, love, money, and economics. And my output via various forms of media is what gives my life purpose. I've found particular support from women of my generation, and I write articles and film videos in the hope that I can make their lives a little easier. It's not often you see a drag queen who can talk about money and investments, so I'm keen on carving out a niche discussing how people can use money to become happy.

- Could you say a few final words to current students?

The world today is full of challenges in politics, economics, and the environment, as well as LGBTQ and other human rights issues. But we live in a time when young people such as yourselves can confront such challenges and discover a sense of purpose. Think of it as being given the pleasure of figuring out how to solve a difficult problem.　When you do, I hope you'll be aware of the significance of the Keio brand. In many cases, this brand will work effectively to your benefit. However, it may also be a hindrance if you try to challenge or defy the powers that be. It's not a question of good or bad; what truly matters is what each person aims to achieve in the end. My wish is for every student to find and embrace their own version of true happiness in their life.

Nikuyo Nikunokoji
New Lady

Nikuyo Nikunokoji graduated from Keio University's Faculty of Policy Management in 1999. While still at university, they embarked on their journey as a cross-dresser and drag queen, winning the national drag queen contest, DIVA JAPAN, in 1999. After graduation, they worked in securities, banking, and insurance, all the while continuing their pursuits as a cross-dresser and showgirl. At the age of 42, they became a freelance cross-dresser and columnist. In 2019, they launched their official YouTube channel, "Nikuyo Nikunokoji," which, as of August 2023, has approximately 83,000 subscribers. They are committed to a refined sense of fashion, proudly bearing the title "New Lady."

*This article originally appeared in the 2023 autumn edition (No. 320) of Juku.